Week 4

So, my daily blogging has been impacted by work. Something's always got to give.

Physically and emotionally my two days at yoga this week felt great. My aches and pains are slowly decreasing, I'm incorporating yoga into my daily life with breathing and short yoga breaks, I feel stronger. But again, something's gotta give. I taught a double last night and woke up this morning absolutely dead tired with a sore throat and headache. My decision was made quickly. I didn't go to yoga in favour of another hour in bed to relax. It was a good choice.

Last night was another bonehead move in my teaching career. A weight class participant asked me if anything that "authentically didn't belong to me" was going away. I said that this, in fact, is probably my body and so now I get to go shopping. She told me that she had heeded my advice and bought pants that fit her instead of struggling to fit into clothes that had mysteriously shrunk while in her closet (how does that happen anyway?) Then, a friend of a girl who I have decided is (very likely) anorexic asked me about that friend who had lost 40 pounds. I was stunned, didn't know how to respond, made some lame attempt at retraction and said it must not authentically belong to her then. B-O-N-E-H-E-A-D. And now I am struggling with how to make it right because I don't know how to approach her as maybe she's ill and not anorexic. And I certainly don't want to push her away from the gym - healthy is good, obsessive is the issue. I have never adequately known how to deal with these issues even though I spent 6 years working in a high school. And the other problem is that I am a swimming uphill in a gym that is more focused on weight loss than anything else. And I do not make that my focus although I struggle with body image too. I tend to talk about enjoying food and activity when I teach. I talk about how I don't want to work out so hard or long every day that I miss time with family and friends. And perhaps, this is part of the root of my struggle with continuing to teach. My reasons for teaching are in complete opposition to where I teach and, if I am honest, to most places. And so I continue on in this weird space knowing that the owner is most likely disappointed with my "look" now as her skinny-minny standard is not being upheld. And also knowing that somebody went to buy a pair of pants that fit properly rather than trying to fit into her ideal of what her body should be because of words that I spoke.