Ok, so I'll give it a shot. 10 minutes a day. It can't be that bad, can it? After discussing with Sheryl, I decided on a strategy of two-five minute sessions per day starting with my first at lunchtime.
Is it supposed to be this excruciating? Within two minutes, I had to breathe through my mouth. My toes were numb. At minute 3, I took a 5 second break. At minute 3 1/2, I started checking the timer on my watch every 5 seconds. At 4 minutes, I thought I would cry. But my toes weren't so numb. Now I just had discomfort shooting through my ankles. Both sides. Top, too.
Maybe if I say it, I can own it.
I love Malasana.
Um, nope. Not yet. But I'll keep trying.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Week 1 Day 3
Rubber band status: What rubber band? Today I am a rope.
Discovery: Yin yoga sucks bag.
How do I feel physically? Well, good, actually. I mean, I have aches and pains but they're good aches and pains. The aches and pains that remind me to think about my body. Not aches and pains of a normal day, where when I stand up my hips ache or I get a twinge in my neck or back. Once again, work gets in the way. If I didn't have to sit all damn day. Such is the reality of my life.
I always know how good yoga is for my body, my breath, my patience, my relationships, my cardio, my life and yet I continually find that falling back into the old patterns of my life are easier. It is hard going from yoga to work (or, as in today, running home to pick up Kelly because he thought he'd fill up with gas this morning - too late). It is hard not bein able to "settle" into work and get done what needs to be done. It is hard not knowing what I'll make for supper because I know I'm not going to feel like being in the kitchen too long. So my strength in organization also (as strengths can) becomes a hindrance as I try to plan and fail and feel like a failure. This extra hour and a half every day is so worth it but so difficult at the same time. I could be cleaning my house.
This morning's class was very difficult for me. Recognizing my own inflexibility and my own resistance to falling without a net. I always have a net. I was uncomfortable, I was frustrated, I was in tears, my breathing was choppy, laboured, my body was getting in the way of my practice. Yin is definitely something I need to explore more. Dammit. Now I've said it out loud.
Speaking of saying things out low, now that I have named and claimed my impatience, I notice so many opportunities to develop patience. Last night Kelly helped me with my ailing computer. Usually we bicker and fight over the mouse. I stood beside him and began the process of letting him be. We had a good laugh at HIS impatience over my crazy slow computer but in the end we could go back to the living room, have a cup of tea together, and relax. This morning, I didn't make it to the shoes at Source first. When the apology came over another participants slowness, I said it was all good, that I was developing my patience. That's why I don't like to say what's really going on out loud, it will mean I have to stop and examine what's going on our I will be stopped to examine what's going on! It really is just easier to avoid exploring oneself.
Another weird side effect of this daily practice I'm noticing is my appetite. I'm not as hungry and when I eat, I'm instantly full and I get more and more full as the next two to three hours pass. Guess I need to check out cleansing as my normal bodily functions aren't quite normal this week.
And yet, I feel great.
Discovery: Yin yoga sucks bag.
How do I feel physically? Well, good, actually. I mean, I have aches and pains but they're good aches and pains. The aches and pains that remind me to think about my body. Not aches and pains of a normal day, where when I stand up my hips ache or I get a twinge in my neck or back. Once again, work gets in the way. If I didn't have to sit all damn day. Such is the reality of my life.
I always know how good yoga is for my body, my breath, my patience, my relationships, my cardio, my life and yet I continually find that falling back into the old patterns of my life are easier. It is hard going from yoga to work (or, as in today, running home to pick up Kelly because he thought he'd fill up with gas this morning - too late). It is hard not bein able to "settle" into work and get done what needs to be done. It is hard not knowing what I'll make for supper because I know I'm not going to feel like being in the kitchen too long. So my strength in organization also (as strengths can) becomes a hindrance as I try to plan and fail and feel like a failure. This extra hour and a half every day is so worth it but so difficult at the same time. I could be cleaning my house.
This morning's class was very difficult for me. Recognizing my own inflexibility and my own resistance to falling without a net. I always have a net. I was uncomfortable, I was frustrated, I was in tears, my breathing was choppy, laboured, my body was getting in the way of my practice. Yin is definitely something I need to explore more. Dammit. Now I've said it out loud.
Speaking of saying things out low, now that I have named and claimed my impatience, I notice so many opportunities to develop patience. Last night Kelly helped me with my ailing computer. Usually we bicker and fight over the mouse. I stood beside him and began the process of letting him be. We had a good laugh at HIS impatience over my crazy slow computer but in the end we could go back to the living room, have a cup of tea together, and relax. This morning, I didn't make it to the shoes at Source first. When the apology came over another participants slowness, I said it was all good, that I was developing my patience. That's why I don't like to say what's really going on out loud, it will mean I have to stop and examine what's going on our I will be stopped to examine what's going on! It really is just easier to avoid exploring oneself.
Another weird side effect of this daily practice I'm noticing is my appetite. I'm not as hungry and when I eat, I'm instantly full and I get more and more full as the next two to three hours pass. Guess I need to check out cleansing as my normal bodily functions aren't quite normal this week.
And yet, I feel great.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Week 1 Day 2 Update - The Truth I Hate to Acknowledge
I keep avoiding this subject (avoiding in my head). As I drove to work today, "I need to quit teaching" popped into my head. This relates to aerobics to focus more on yoga. This has happened several times in the past 6 months. Although my intuition is trying to tell me something, I am unwilling to listen right now. Why is that?
Less in the bank + more spent on yoga training = less money overall
I went to another instructors' class yesterday and while I know that I am a very good instructor, my lack of focus on aerobics has diminished my abilities dramatically. I don't know any new fun moves. I have a lack of focus on my own personal development. In truth, I don't enjoy it all that much any more. So why do I hang on?
money, damn money
Less in the bank + more spent on yoga training = less money overall
I went to another instructors' class yesterday and while I know that I am a very good instructor, my lack of focus on aerobics has diminished my abilities dramatically. I don't know any new fun moves. I have a lack of focus on my own personal development. In truth, I don't enjoy it all that much any more. So why do I hang on?
money, damn money
Week 1 Day 2
Rubber Band Status: You know those medium thick bands? The ones that can stretch fairly well but they're kinda old so if you stretch them too far, they'll break in the brittle parts? Yeah. That.
Discovery: Anusara yoga. I seriously love it. To me, it's the "technician's" yoga.
Meditation: Meditation this morning was comfortable and easy. Surprisingly, it felt great to sit and breathe (maybe due in part to my crazy day yesterday and my long night of brain activity). Five minutes does go by quickly. I need to remember as we continue through the weeks that it is good for me to get up a few minutes early to meditate.
I was seriously sore this morning. Thanks to Dillon, my shoulders, shoulder blades, basically everything in my back between my neck and my mid-back were achy. I knew yesterday that this would happen so after opening meditation, I took time to warm up my upper body. It was a great strategy and one that I need to remember. It helped me get through the rest of the class.
Conversely, my breathing also felt easier today than it did yesterday. Still some short, choppy breathing but overall much more free and easy.
The early yoga, together with work, together with my cardio last night, together with teaching yoga last night, made for a very long day. Monday's are going to be tough. I didn't get home until 9:30 last night. Thankful for something small - Kelly had put the kettle on to boil already so it was just a matter of teabag in and we shared our tea together before I went to bed.
It is so nice to have someone work with me on my alignment to bring my body into a pose that belongs to me. It's much easier to do this for others than to do it for myself. The external alignment and eyes on my form help me to relax within my own practice and not worry so much about the exact form of the pose. If there's a way to make the pose "better", help will be on the way. I almost burst into tears today when Dillon did the first adjustment on my shoulders. "Touch" with others is not natural to me (except when I teach weights or yoga for some reason) and yet when I am touched, it is releasing for me. It releases anxiety and brings joy. It makes life easier.
I appreciate the booklet given to me and what particularly struck me was the portion on balancing diet and bringing yoga bringing participants to their authentic selves. I also appreciate that I can eat. No crazy normal boot camp diets where I need to give up carbs, or fat, or whatever the hell is the flavour of the week. Unfortunately, if my authentic self isn't 5 pounds lighter than I currently am, I will have to buy a new wardrobe since so many of my clothes shrunk in my closet this summer. I guess shopping isn't such a bad thing.
I will add that I am very, very emotional today. The problem with being emotional is being at work and being emotional. I could cry at the drop of a hat. Not the kind of impression an up-and-coming young woman like me wants to portray (haha). We need to be TOUGH. STRONG. To quote Tom Hanks in A League of Their Own: "There's no crying in baseball!"
Ok, so the whole problem with yoga boot camp is work. Can we please just suspend work for 6 weeks and focus on yoga?
Discovery: Anusara yoga. I seriously love it. To me, it's the "technician's" yoga.
Meditation: Meditation this morning was comfortable and easy. Surprisingly, it felt great to sit and breathe (maybe due in part to my crazy day yesterday and my long night of brain activity). Five minutes does go by quickly. I need to remember as we continue through the weeks that it is good for me to get up a few minutes early to meditate.
I was seriously sore this morning. Thanks to Dillon, my shoulders, shoulder blades, basically everything in my back between my neck and my mid-back were achy. I knew yesterday that this would happen so after opening meditation, I took time to warm up my upper body. It was a great strategy and one that I need to remember. It helped me get through the rest of the class.
Conversely, my breathing also felt easier today than it did yesterday. Still some short, choppy breathing but overall much more free and easy.
The early yoga, together with work, together with my cardio last night, together with teaching yoga last night, made for a very long day. Monday's are going to be tough. I didn't get home until 9:30 last night. Thankful for something small - Kelly had put the kettle on to boil already so it was just a matter of teabag in and we shared our tea together before I went to bed.
It is so nice to have someone work with me on my alignment to bring my body into a pose that belongs to me. It's much easier to do this for others than to do it for myself. The external alignment and eyes on my form help me to relax within my own practice and not worry so much about the exact form of the pose. If there's a way to make the pose "better", help will be on the way. I almost burst into tears today when Dillon did the first adjustment on my shoulders. "Touch" with others is not natural to me (except when I teach weights or yoga for some reason) and yet when I am touched, it is releasing for me. It releases anxiety and brings joy. It makes life easier.
I appreciate the booklet given to me and what particularly struck me was the portion on balancing diet and bringing yoga bringing participants to their authentic selves. I also appreciate that I can eat. No crazy normal boot camp diets where I need to give up carbs, or fat, or whatever the hell is the flavour of the week. Unfortunately, if my authentic self isn't 5 pounds lighter than I currently am, I will have to buy a new wardrobe since so many of my clothes shrunk in my closet this summer. I guess shopping isn't such a bad thing.
I will add that I am very, very emotional today. The problem with being emotional is being at work and being emotional. I could cry at the drop of a hat. Not the kind of impression an up-and-coming young woman like me wants to portray (haha). We need to be TOUGH. STRONG. To quote Tom Hanks in A League of Their Own: "There's no crying in baseball!"
Ok, so the whole problem with yoga boot camp is work. Can we please just suspend work for 6 weeks and focus on yoga?
Monday, September 15, 2008
Week 1 Day 1
Yoga Boot Camp
Rubber band status: Really thick, inflexible band. Snaps back immediately. Can't even fit it around a handful of pencils.
Discovery: ankle sweat
1. Passion - baking (my current passion)
2. Strength - organization (my clothes and lunches are ready for the week)
3. Weakness/challenge - Impatience (I was already annoyed in class when people were talking to quietly (SPEAK UP!) or just wouldn't talk. (BE A MAN!))
Boot camp ended well this morning. I feel great. I am SO inflexible in the morning and without warm up. Child's pose didn't even feel good. Thanks to Dillon for reminding me that my hands can be above my head.
Table top with arms turned and fingertips facing my knees was the worst its ever felt. In fact, it usually feels pretty good. Once again, Dillon to the rescue to tell me to move my knees forward. It worked! What a great tip.
The flow portion of the class started slow and stiff. My ankles are very stiff as are my calves. (See rubber band status above). My breath throughout the entire flow portion was short and breathy. I finally began to loosen up a bit around the third round. Even my planks began to take that old familiar comfortable feeling. Nice.
Rubber band status: Really thick, inflexible band. Snaps back immediately. Can't even fit it around a handful of pencils.
Discovery: ankle sweat
1. Passion - baking (my current passion)
2. Strength - organization (my clothes and lunches are ready for the week)
3. Weakness/challenge - Impatience (I was already annoyed in class when people were talking to quietly (SPEAK UP!) or just wouldn't talk. (BE A MAN!))
Boot camp ended well this morning. I feel great. I am SO inflexible in the morning and without warm up. Child's pose didn't even feel good. Thanks to Dillon for reminding me that my hands can be above my head.
Table top with arms turned and fingertips facing my knees was the worst its ever felt. In fact, it usually feels pretty good. Once again, Dillon to the rescue to tell me to move my knees forward. It worked! What a great tip.
The flow portion of the class started slow and stiff. My ankles are very stiff as are my calves. (See rubber band status above). My breath throughout the entire flow portion was short and breathy. I finally began to loosen up a bit around the third round. Even my planks began to take that old familiar comfortable feeling. Nice.
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