Totally. Freakin'. Awesome.
This morning was the best morning yet. I was prepared and actually excited to come to yoga - even if I couldn't tear myself out of bed for meditation.
Week 2 complete. It's going so fast!
Friday, September 26, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Week 2 Day 4
Thai Massage.
I learned today that I am a much better giver than receiver. I mean, I knew this but I had never actually given it much thought. That is who I am. That is what I do. I would have gladly spent all day doing Thai massage for the entire class than have someone's cold (clammy-ish) hands on my hips.
The combination of a tall Bendy Girl with a short Un-Bendy Girl proved to be as interesting as I thought it would be. Me, Un-Bendy, showed caution in how far I stretched her. I didn't want to take her to far, even though my mind knew I could probably flip her leg right up over head and give her a really good hamstring stretch, my body wouldn't allow it. Conversely, she didn't exhibit the same caution in her desire to give me what she thought would feel good. And she is strong. Really strong. I found myself tensing up, trying to receive her effort, trying to breathe into it, trying to accept her strength. The first side was a disaster for me but I managed to allow her to move me (with some modification) on the second side. And it was wonderful.
But I wondered what I could offer her (did I mention, she's really Bendy?) and as I watched her breathe, I felt the best thing I could offer her was my long deep breaths. So I made them more pronounced, and incorporated my breath with her gradual shoulder and hip openings. And I kept thinking "I offer you my breath, I offer you my breath". It was very meditative for me. I hope she received some benefit.
So, did I enjoy Thai Massage? Yes. And no.
I learned today that I am a much better giver than receiver. I mean, I knew this but I had never actually given it much thought. That is who I am. That is what I do. I would have gladly spent all day doing Thai massage for the entire class than have someone's cold (clammy-ish) hands on my hips.
The combination of a tall Bendy Girl with a short Un-Bendy Girl proved to be as interesting as I thought it would be. Me, Un-Bendy, showed caution in how far I stretched her. I didn't want to take her to far, even though my mind knew I could probably flip her leg right up over head and give her a really good hamstring stretch, my body wouldn't allow it. Conversely, she didn't exhibit the same caution in her desire to give me what she thought would feel good. And she is strong. Really strong. I found myself tensing up, trying to receive her effort, trying to breathe into it, trying to accept her strength. The first side was a disaster for me but I managed to allow her to move me (with some modification) on the second side. And it was wonderful.
But I wondered what I could offer her (did I mention, she's really Bendy?) and as I watched her breathe, I felt the best thing I could offer her was my long deep breaths. So I made them more pronounced, and incorporated my breath with her gradual shoulder and hip openings. And I kept thinking "I offer you my breath, I offer you my breath". It was very meditative for me. I hope she received some benefit.
So, did I enjoy Thai Massage? Yes. And no.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Week 2 Day 3
A note about cardio - my speed on the treadmill increased by .2 to .3 this week (Monday).
I wasn't feeling well this morning. Kelly thinks I may have poisoned us with salmon (he always thinks that when I make salmon).
So, not feeling well, a funny thing happened to me at yoga. I gave up caring. I gave up looking at the Bendy Girls. I didn't even try to go into headstand. And although my stomach didn't feel good, I felt good about my practice. The stories don't stop in my head though. Self-doubt, fear, worry, anger, they all showed up today.
Final meditation was unique to me. I could feel the vibrations of Dillon's voice in my arms. Then when he no longer spoke, I could feel the vibration of vehicles going by.
I wasn't feeling well this morning. Kelly thinks I may have poisoned us with salmon (he always thinks that when I make salmon).
So, not feeling well, a funny thing happened to me at yoga. I gave up caring. I gave up looking at the Bendy Girls. I didn't even try to go into headstand. And although my stomach didn't feel good, I felt good about my practice. The stories don't stop in my head though. Self-doubt, fear, worry, anger, they all showed up today.
Final meditation was unique to me. I could feel the vibrations of Dillon's voice in my arms. Then when he no longer spoke, I could feel the vibration of vehicles going by.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Week 2 Day 2
Today I feel totally defeated. Totally and completely. It didn't start that way. When I got to class I was tired. I missed meditation in favour of 10 more minutes under the covers. I wasn't sure I was prepared but as I moved into asana practice, I felt more present than I've felt any other previous 6 days. My breath flowed. I was able to give my body what it needed and I felt really good. Solid. (Almost) peaceful.
But as I was feeling presence, I got a reminder of more things to work on. More to do. And I found myself being very frustrated. I felt so joyful in my expression of the poses today that I didn't want to hear another way in which I am inadequate. Something else to strive for.
For just a moment, I wanted to enjoy where I was and what I was doing.
But as I was feeling presence, I got a reminder of more things to work on. More to do. And I found myself being very frustrated. I felt so joyful in my expression of the poses today that I didn't want to hear another way in which I am inadequate. Something else to strive for.
For just a moment, I wanted to enjoy where I was and what I was doing.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Week 2 Day 1
The love-hate relationship with yoga boot camp began again yesterday. I was so tired after my day at The Wedding, I knew I'd need to be on track with relaxation on Sunday. By the time I woke up this morning, I was feeling somewhat rejuvenated and ready to go.
Meditation felt so long today! I have already started the week feeling out of sync with my breath.
My legs are cramping. During class, it's my hips. In the middle of the night, it's my calves. So, I'll eat a banana and do some recommended "self love" although I'm not sure when. Mondays are tough. From yoga to work to the gym to yoga. I'm glad it's over with early in the week but it sure makes for a long day!
I sure struggled at yoga this morning. I struggle with the knowledge that already it has been so beneficial for me to do this but that I have so many limitations. Normally I'm not bothered by limitations, especially in comparison with others (yes, I compare. I try not to but am struggling with that, too! Even taking my glasses off isn't helping). And it's not that I find myself being competitive now either, it's just that I so yearn to have that beautiful, flexible body. I want to leap forward from down dog lightly and land softly. I want to be graceful and lean and long. I want. I want. I want. And so I try to let go of the stories, which I seem to be able to do during class. As soon as I get out though, I think about all of those other bendy people and I am really humbled by my own inabilities. I have trouble seeing the potential of where I'm at and constantly struggle against those inabilities. Letting go and letting my body be what it is has been so much harder than any other part of yoga.
Meditation felt so long today! I have already started the week feeling out of sync with my breath.
My legs are cramping. During class, it's my hips. In the middle of the night, it's my calves. So, I'll eat a banana and do some recommended "self love" although I'm not sure when. Mondays are tough. From yoga to work to the gym to yoga. I'm glad it's over with early in the week but it sure makes for a long day!
I sure struggled at yoga this morning. I struggle with the knowledge that already it has been so beneficial for me to do this but that I have so many limitations. Normally I'm not bothered by limitations, especially in comparison with others (yes, I compare. I try not to but am struggling with that, too! Even taking my glasses off isn't helping). And it's not that I find myself being competitive now either, it's just that I so yearn to have that beautiful, flexible body. I want to leap forward from down dog lightly and land softly. I want to be graceful and lean and long. I want. I want. I want. And so I try to let go of the stories, which I seem to be able to do during class. As soon as I get out though, I think about all of those other bendy people and I am really humbled by my own inabilities. I have trouble seeing the potential of where I'm at and constantly struggle against those inabilities. Letting go and letting my body be what it is has been so much harder than any other part of yoga.
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