Yes, I know it goes without saying.
But when you're new you want to do a good job. You want everyone to think that you've got everything under control. And when you don't, you want everyone to know that you're dealing with the issues.
Yes, I have made this mistake.
I was concerned that fellow employees and superiors would notice the issues with my newly inherited team and would be sure to label me as a bad manager and so when I saw the problem occuring, I noticed it in a public way. To be honest, I actually thought there was no one around. Make that one Mistake #1.2.
Of course, someone (or multiple someone's) did overhear my public dressdown and also of course, reported it nearly immediately to one of my superiors. And then I got the dressdown. In private. By that time I had already regretted my actions and knew that I needed to make it right.
The biggest problem with a mistake like this is the damage it does to a relationship - particularly one that is already tenuous. Another problem? I can never, ever, take my words or actions back. They're out there and potentially damaging to another human being. And when that human being is already insecure, down on themselves, or in a position they don't enjoy, it makes it hard for them to come back to be a happy, productive worker. Oh, and did I mention I was wrong in my position? In my frustration, I didn't even listen or allow for an explanation. I get a total fail for this one.
Yes, I have vowed never to make this mistake again.
Not only did I hurt someone else, I hurt someone in a less powerful position. That person doesn't have a lot of recourse when it's they're supervisor. And not only did I hurt that person, I could have potentially done a lot of damage to my reputation. I could have closed a lot of other doors to communication with my team. Fortunately, I recognized what I had done and worked to repair the damage. And I made a personal commitment never to do this again.
Have you made this mistake? What was the end result?
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Perception & Reality
A wise manager once told me that my perception and someone else's reality may not be the same.
Their perception is their reality.
Their perception is their reality.
Monday, May 30, 2011
Work It!
First, enjoy this throwback which I am reminded of every time I say, hear, or read the words "Work It" http://tinyurl.com/ylbe434
And now, down to business. I work in the head office of a construction company which tends to be on the casual side of "business casual". I established rules for dressing with my team pretty quickly when I hire them and do a spring reminder about my personal rules for dressing in the office. I'll save that little bit of fantastic wit and wisdom for another post. Because my idea of dressing down is dark jeans and a jacket, I try to be flexible with varying styles while still maintaining a professional appearance. I want to be a good example while still being mindful of the other less formal departments in my company.
Every year, my girlfriend's and I take a road trip to shop and it has become a tradition that I bring along some sort of book relating to fashion tips, How Not To Look Old (yes, the actual name of a book), or how to study The Science of Sexy (also the actual name of a book).
One of my recent purchases was a book published in 2009 "Work It! Visual Therapy's Guide to Your Ultimate Career Wardrobe" by Jesse Garza and Joe Lupo.
What intrigued me about the book was the fabulous suit on the cover AND the comprehensive quizzes to discover your colourtype, Styletype, Workplace style, and personal Baseline Workstyle. In fact, nearly 30 pages are dedicated to learning your personal profile for dressing. While not ideal for the driver, the other two of us had a blast matching eye and hair color to the charts and determining where are styles fit. Turns out I'm a Sexy Lady Director and the advice for me is to "Remember Demi Moore in Disclosure. . ." Good, sound advice!
The remainder of the book focuses on real women of different sizes, shapes, ethnicities, and personal profiles. The stylists amped up each woman's style and gave several outfit options. The book is laced with practical advice on shoes, jewellery, a must-have "career capsule", "wardrobe capsule" for each style, and interviews with and advice from women in hiring-authority positions.
It was a lot of fun to do the quizzes and flip through the "real women" section even though the paragraphs regarding each woman's makeover were not necessarily applicable. Work It! is fun, gives some good advice, is in full colour, and has interactive quizzes - all a big + for me! Like all the books we've read on our road trips; however, the advice needs to be taken with a grain of salt. Take the little "nuggets" that are applicable and use them. Don't worry about the rest.
My best "nugget"? Never wear pantyhose.
And now, down to business. I work in the head office of a construction company which tends to be on the casual side of "business casual". I established rules for dressing with my team pretty quickly when I hire them and do a spring reminder about my personal rules for dressing in the office. I'll save that little bit of fantastic wit and wisdom for another post. Because my idea of dressing down is dark jeans and a jacket, I try to be flexible with varying styles while still maintaining a professional appearance. I want to be a good example while still being mindful of the other less formal departments in my company.
Every year, my girlfriend's and I take a road trip to shop and it has become a tradition that I bring along some sort of book relating to fashion tips, How Not To Look Old (yes, the actual name of a book), or how to study The Science of Sexy (also the actual name of a book).
One of my recent purchases was a book published in 2009 "Work It! Visual Therapy's Guide to Your Ultimate Career Wardrobe" by Jesse Garza and Joe Lupo.
What intrigued me about the book was the fabulous suit on the cover AND the comprehensive quizzes to discover your colourtype, Styletype, Workplace style, and personal Baseline Workstyle. In fact, nearly 30 pages are dedicated to learning your personal profile for dressing. While not ideal for the driver, the other two of us had a blast matching eye and hair color to the charts and determining where are styles fit. Turns out I'm a Sexy Lady Director and the advice for me is to "Remember Demi Moore in Disclosure. . ." Good, sound advice!
The remainder of the book focuses on real women of different sizes, shapes, ethnicities, and personal profiles. The stylists amped up each woman's style and gave several outfit options. The book is laced with practical advice on shoes, jewellery, a must-have "career capsule", "wardrobe capsule" for each style, and interviews with and advice from women in hiring-authority positions.
It was a lot of fun to do the quizzes and flip through the "real women" section even though the paragraphs regarding each woman's makeover were not necessarily applicable. Work It! is fun, gives some good advice, is in full colour, and has interactive quizzes - all a big + for me! Like all the books we've read on our road trips; however, the advice needs to be taken with a grain of salt. Take the little "nuggets" that are applicable and use them. Don't worry about the rest.
My best "nugget"? Never wear pantyhose.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Management Without Micromanaging
Tricky stuff trying to allow people the space to do their work while still mentoring and advising. Here's an article from Harvard Business Review for your reading pleasure.
http://tinyurl.com/3ve92k7
http://tinyurl.com/3ve92k7
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Transitions out of support into leadership
I believe that one of the most difficult transitions is to move from a support role into a management role. Any time you move above your peer group, there can be difficulties but I view the support to management transition as being one of the most difficult.
The reasons to me are clear. When bosses and co-workers are used to you being delegated work, it's very difficult to be accepted as the one now delegating the work.You must be able to move from the "can you please do this?" perception of others to the "can you please find someone to do this?" that you are now in. This can be made even more complicated if you are still in a role where you are transitioning out of support and into management at the same time. Still assisting but also managing!
I have found that having a firm but cooperative stance has been the best approach. When I'm asked to "fill in" for minute-taking, I decline and suggeste an alternative very capable administrator. When I schedule training sessions for various in-house items, I choose which ones I'll attend. I don't feel the need to hold hands nor do I want to be the "go-to" person for all administrative tasks in the building.
Further to that, having another cooperative administrator to take tasks off my desk has been a key transitional piece. Little things can be moved off quickly, larger heavily detailed items take more time. In my case, I have plenty of time. I assist the CEO until he retires. That's the deal that I happily agreed to. After all, part of the reason I wanted to transition to a new role was that I didn't want to be anyone else's assistant. The level of respect, authority, and decision-making leeway he has given me is part of the reason I can move more successfully into a management role. He has allowed me and encouraged me to learn critical thinking skills and to think more "linear". He has coached me in my relationships with other senior members of our company and has allowed me to grow and make mistakes. How could I leave a boss like that with no support?
Being firm and having assistance are only two pieces of the puzzle. Flexibility has also been key. Getting former peers to trust that I "have their back" and ensure they understand the reasons why this is a really good idea. Getting across that my goal has always been to elevate the perception of abilities of administrators has been helpful. And developing a strategy for the team effort that is well thought out and logical in its approach develops trust. Gaining the trust of people I formerly took direction from has also taken time. It took me a year to work towards having all branches turn to me for hiring, terminating, and training issues. And now to stay ahead of the curve!
My new role has been very rewarding and I wouldn't change it to reduce the challenge of the transition piece. I have found that I have more skills than I knew and that I have a keen ability to recognize appropriate candidates for the department or person I'm hiring for. I am much more patient in training my team than I ever imagined I would or could be. I can more often deal with the crappy stuff in an appropriate way. And I learn daily that my new role has interesting and diverse challenges and that I have much more capacity to learn and grow. My chosen path has been to continue to move towards progressive management roles. My goal has always been to elevate the status of administrative staff and work with managers in our company to help them see all of the hidden potential that exists in our team. That being said, administrators who excel at and are happy in their role as an administrator should be encouraged to stay where they are and "shoot the lights out". I firmly believe that excellence at all levels from reception to CEO is what keeps the wheels turning.
The reasons to me are clear. When bosses and co-workers are used to you being delegated work, it's very difficult to be accepted as the one now delegating the work.You must be able to move from the "can you please do this?" perception of others to the "can you please find someone to do this?" that you are now in. This can be made even more complicated if you are still in a role where you are transitioning out of support and into management at the same time. Still assisting but also managing!
I have found that having a firm but cooperative stance has been the best approach. When I'm asked to "fill in" for minute-taking, I decline and suggeste an alternative very capable administrator. When I schedule training sessions for various in-house items, I choose which ones I'll attend. I don't feel the need to hold hands nor do I want to be the "go-to" person for all administrative tasks in the building.
Further to that, having another cooperative administrator to take tasks off my desk has been a key transitional piece. Little things can be moved off quickly, larger heavily detailed items take more time. In my case, I have plenty of time. I assist the CEO until he retires. That's the deal that I happily agreed to. After all, part of the reason I wanted to transition to a new role was that I didn't want to be anyone else's assistant. The level of respect, authority, and decision-making leeway he has given me is part of the reason I can move more successfully into a management role. He has allowed me and encouraged me to learn critical thinking skills and to think more "linear". He has coached me in my relationships with other senior members of our company and has allowed me to grow and make mistakes. How could I leave a boss like that with no support?
Being firm and having assistance are only two pieces of the puzzle. Flexibility has also been key. Getting former peers to trust that I "have their back" and ensure they understand the reasons why this is a really good idea. Getting across that my goal has always been to elevate the perception of abilities of administrators has been helpful. And developing a strategy for the team effort that is well thought out and logical in its approach develops trust. Gaining the trust of people I formerly took direction from has also taken time. It took me a year to work towards having all branches turn to me for hiring, terminating, and training issues. And now to stay ahead of the curve!
My new role has been very rewarding and I wouldn't change it to reduce the challenge of the transition piece. I have found that I have more skills than I knew and that I have a keen ability to recognize appropriate candidates for the department or person I'm hiring for. I am much more patient in training my team than I ever imagined I would or could be. I can more often deal with the crappy stuff in an appropriate way. And I learn daily that my new role has interesting and diverse challenges and that I have much more capacity to learn and grow. My chosen path has been to continue to move towards progressive management roles. My goal has always been to elevate the status of administrative staff and work with managers in our company to help them see all of the hidden potential that exists in our team. That being said, administrators who excel at and are happy in their role as an administrator should be encouraged to stay where they are and "shoot the lights out". I firmly believe that excellence at all levels from reception to CEO is what keeps the wheels turning.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
I have a few thoughts for you about your resume!
Learning to hire can be exhiliarating, frustrating, and downright befuddling. It's difficult to get past "resume noise" to get to the hidden gems of a terrific employee. Here's some suggestions (my opinion only, of course but if you want to work for me, my opinion is the one that counts) on how to turn it down a notch and get me to notice you.
1. Please put your cover letter and resume together in one document. I don't want to open two. It may sound like I'm lazy but you want a job with me, right? So you want to make it as easy as possible for me to see you're information.
2. Ever heard of .pdf? It's not a complicated program and I'd like to know that you know how to use it.
3. Proofread. Don't just spellcheck. Print out your cover letter and resume, take out a pencil, spell out every word as you read it. Ask your friends to read it and solicit their objective opinion. Don't get mad. Everyone wants the best for you.
4. Choose your fonts wisely. Use readable, serif fonts wherever possible. And whatever you do, do not use Comic Sans. If you do, the message is that you're very, very young.
5. Don't make me search for information. I want to clearly see where you worked, what your position was, and how long you were there.
6. Don't put your "month started/ended" in the dates you worked for someone. Are you really living your working life month to month? Because I don't want to do this again in a month if I don't need to. Or two. Or six.
7. It's ok if you take out that job you were only at for three months. You're not being dishonest, everyone works somewhere that isn't a good "fit". It's hard to get the feel for somewhere in an interview or two. Remove it. And if you achieved some unbelievable skillset in those three months that don't show up in any other job, show me somewhere else in your resume.
8. Five pages. Really? If you need that much space to tell me about you, you're really wasting my time.
9. Be consistent. If you state something in your objectives, skills, profile, strengths, accomplishments, etc. you need to show me where you developed those objectives, skills, profiles, strengths, and accomplishments. If I can't relate what you FEEL you're good at to what you actually DID, what's the point even mentioning it?
10. Show me how you match what we're looking for. You have the ad I posted. You can figure out what I need. Show me you're what I need!
11. Do your research. Look at our website. See if our company feels like a cultural match for you. Tell me why you'd like to work for us. Here's a great example - if you're from the city our head office is located in and you'd like to relocate to the branch office we're hiring for, why don't you tell me how great it is that our head office is in your city. It's a little thing that doesn't mean you'll get the job but it tells me you cared enough to discover who we are before applying for the position.
12. Don't send a generic cover letter. You know, the same one that is focused on a different industry but you forgot to read it before you sent it to me. If you want a job, you have to show me you want it.
Any additions/disagreements?
1. Please put your cover letter and resume together in one document. I don't want to open two. It may sound like I'm lazy but you want a job with me, right? So you want to make it as easy as possible for me to see you're information.
2. Ever heard of .pdf? It's not a complicated program and I'd like to know that you know how to use it.
3. Proofread. Don't just spellcheck. Print out your cover letter and resume, take out a pencil, spell out every word as you read it. Ask your friends to read it and solicit their objective opinion. Don't get mad. Everyone wants the best for you.
4. Choose your fonts wisely. Use readable, serif fonts wherever possible. And whatever you do, do not use Comic Sans. If you do, the message is that you're very, very young.
5. Don't make me search for information. I want to clearly see where you worked, what your position was, and how long you were there.
6. Don't put your "month started/ended" in the dates you worked for someone. Are you really living your working life month to month? Because I don't want to do this again in a month if I don't need to. Or two. Or six.
7. It's ok if you take out that job you were only at for three months. You're not being dishonest, everyone works somewhere that isn't a good "fit". It's hard to get the feel for somewhere in an interview or two. Remove it. And if you achieved some unbelievable skillset in those three months that don't show up in any other job, show me somewhere else in your resume.
8. Five pages. Really? If you need that much space to tell me about you, you're really wasting my time.
9. Be consistent. If you state something in your objectives, skills, profile, strengths, accomplishments, etc. you need to show me where you developed those objectives, skills, profiles, strengths, and accomplishments. If I can't relate what you FEEL you're good at to what you actually DID, what's the point even mentioning it?
10. Show me how you match what we're looking for. You have the ad I posted. You can figure out what I need. Show me you're what I need!
11. Do your research. Look at our website. See if our company feels like a cultural match for you. Tell me why you'd like to work for us. Here's a great example - if you're from the city our head office is located in and you'd like to relocate to the branch office we're hiring for, why don't you tell me how great it is that our head office is in your city. It's a little thing that doesn't mean you'll get the job but it tells me you cared enough to discover who we are before applying for the position.
12. Don't send a generic cover letter. You know, the same one that is focused on a different industry but you forgot to read it before you sent it to me. If you want a job, you have to show me you want it.
Any additions/disagreements?
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Hey world - it's me!
What started with email and Classmates took a meandering path through Facebook and blogging and then grew into a garden of texting, BBMing, Twitter, and LinkedIn. Being connected, networking, and staying in touch is hard work!
As a new manager, I struggle with knowing how much "staying in touch" is enough contact. After a few days away, I do the rounds with my team, spending a few minutes chatting with each and finding out how "things" are going. Is it enough? Should I be calling them into my office for regular sitdowns? Should I BBM them in the evening when they've been sick to see if they're ok? Or do I wait for them to come to me? What's caring and what's too much?
I have a vastly different group of people in my team. From university students to seasoned administrators and they each have different needs. I've learned that the key is finding the balance for each individual person. In my short time as a manager, I've discovered that it's about leading and mentoring, helping every employee flourish and grow, and ensuring I have a happy and productive team.
Management is the ultimate selfless effort. An exercise in knowing oneself and pouring energy into the discovery of others.
As a new manager, I struggle with knowing how much "staying in touch" is enough contact. After a few days away, I do the rounds with my team, spending a few minutes chatting with each and finding out how "things" are going. Is it enough? Should I be calling them into my office for regular sitdowns? Should I BBM them in the evening when they've been sick to see if they're ok? Or do I wait for them to come to me? What's caring and what's too much?
I have a vastly different group of people in my team. From university students to seasoned administrators and they each have different needs. I've learned that the key is finding the balance for each individual person. In my short time as a manager, I've discovered that it's about leading and mentoring, helping every employee flourish and grow, and ensuring I have a happy and productive team.
Management is the ultimate selfless effort. An exercise in knowing oneself and pouring energy into the discovery of others.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Monday, November 17, 2008
Disturbing Thoughts
The trial of Phoenix Sinclair's parents has weighed heavily on me in the past week. Hearing all the gory details on the news has been difficult and I've tried to avoid the details by choosing to turn off. Still, I've heard enough. I've heard enough to hope her parents rot in jail and then somewhere much, much worse, being subjected to what they did to their daughter over and over and over again for eternity.
Thankfully, Phoenix is in a safe place where she is loved, cared for, and out of pain.
Which brings me to a conversation I had. About how I hoped Phoenix's parents would be subjected to what they did to her over and over. My friend's reply? "I sure wouldn't want every bad thing I've ever done repeated on me for all eternity." True. And yet different. But also, who am I to judge what happens to people? Don't get me wrong, I have no sympathy for these people. I DO want them to go to jail for the remainder of their natural lives. But it was a reminder that I am not the judge. Someone else has that under control.
Thankfully, Phoenix is in a safe place where she is loved, cared for, and out of pain.
Which brings me to a conversation I had. About how I hoped Phoenix's parents would be subjected to what they did to her over and over. My friend's reply? "I sure wouldn't want every bad thing I've ever done repeated on me for all eternity." True. And yet different. But also, who am I to judge what happens to people? Don't get me wrong, I have no sympathy for these people. I DO want them to go to jail for the remainder of their natural lives. But it was a reminder that I am not the judge. Someone else has that under control.
Friday, November 7, 2008
Yin & Yang
Yoga boot camp is over! Yay! I mean, boo-urns! Ok, so I'll admit it was really tough for me. I loved doing yoga in the morning but it impacted my entire day by at least one hour, more often than not, by one and a half hours. So, starting work was late, leaving work was late, dinner was late, house didn't get cleaned, laundry didn't get done, and on and on and on it went. Near the end, I gave up.
Great thing is now, I can go to Source on my schedule. Went on Wednesday. Probably going tonight. It feels really good to be back in the saddle of my own schedule.
Is that my issues? The control-freakedness? Or is it just that yoga at 6:30 a.m. is not "my flow" right now? Whatever the case, I feel much better.
Now I've just got to get back to my neglected friends and my neglected house. Time to start working my way back to my real life.
Cheers my girls - I love you!
Great thing is now, I can go to Source on my schedule. Went on Wednesday. Probably going tonight. It feels really good to be back in the saddle of my own schedule.
Is that my issues? The control-freakedness? Or is it just that yoga at 6:30 a.m. is not "my flow" right now? Whatever the case, I feel much better.
Now I've just got to get back to my neglected friends and my neglected house. Time to start working my way back to my real life.
Cheers my girls - I love you!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Week 4
So, my daily blogging has been impacted by work. Something's always got to give.
Physically and emotionally my two days at yoga this week felt great. My aches and pains are slowly decreasing, I'm incorporating yoga into my daily life with breathing and short yoga breaks, I feel stronger. But again, something's gotta give. I taught a double last night and woke up this morning absolutely dead tired with a sore throat and headache. My decision was made quickly. I didn't go to yoga in favour of another hour in bed to relax. It was a good choice.
Last night was another bonehead move in my teaching career. A weight class participant asked me if anything that "authentically didn't belong to me" was going away. I said that this, in fact, is probably my body and so now I get to go shopping. She told me that she had heeded my advice and bought pants that fit her instead of struggling to fit into clothes that had mysteriously shrunk while in her closet (how does that happen anyway?) Then, a friend of a girl who I have decided is (very likely) anorexic asked me about that friend who had lost 40 pounds. I was stunned, didn't know how to respond, made some lame attempt at retraction and said it must not authentically belong to her then. B-O-N-E-H-E-A-D. And now I am struggling with how to make it right because I don't know how to approach her as maybe she's ill and not anorexic. And I certainly don't want to push her away from the gym - healthy is good, obsessive is the issue. I have never adequately known how to deal with these issues even though I spent 6 years working in a high school. And the other problem is that I am a swimming uphill in a gym that is more focused on weight loss than anything else. And I do not make that my focus although I struggle with body image too. I tend to talk about enjoying food and activity when I teach. I talk about how I don't want to work out so hard or long every day that I miss time with family and friends. And perhaps, this is part of the root of my struggle with continuing to teach. My reasons for teaching are in complete opposition to where I teach and, if I am honest, to most places. And so I continue on in this weird space knowing that the owner is most likely disappointed with my "look" now as her skinny-minny standard is not being upheld. And also knowing that somebody went to buy a pair of pants that fit properly rather than trying to fit into her ideal of what her body should be because of words that I spoke.
Physically and emotionally my two days at yoga this week felt great. My aches and pains are slowly decreasing, I'm incorporating yoga into my daily life with breathing and short yoga breaks, I feel stronger. But again, something's gotta give. I taught a double last night and woke up this morning absolutely dead tired with a sore throat and headache. My decision was made quickly. I didn't go to yoga in favour of another hour in bed to relax. It was a good choice.
Last night was another bonehead move in my teaching career. A weight class participant asked me if anything that "authentically didn't belong to me" was going away. I said that this, in fact, is probably my body and so now I get to go shopping. She told me that she had heeded my advice and bought pants that fit her instead of struggling to fit into clothes that had mysteriously shrunk while in her closet (how does that happen anyway?) Then, a friend of a girl who I have decided is (very likely) anorexic asked me about that friend who had lost 40 pounds. I was stunned, didn't know how to respond, made some lame attempt at retraction and said it must not authentically belong to her then. B-O-N-E-H-E-A-D. And now I am struggling with how to make it right because I don't know how to approach her as maybe she's ill and not anorexic. And I certainly don't want to push her away from the gym - healthy is good, obsessive is the issue. I have never adequately known how to deal with these issues even though I spent 6 years working in a high school. And the other problem is that I am a swimming uphill in a gym that is more focused on weight loss than anything else. And I do not make that my focus although I struggle with body image too. I tend to talk about enjoying food and activity when I teach. I talk about how I don't want to work out so hard or long every day that I miss time with family and friends. And perhaps, this is part of the root of my struggle with continuing to teach. My reasons for teaching are in complete opposition to where I teach and, if I am honest, to most places. And so I continue on in this weird space knowing that the owner is most likely disappointed with my "look" now as her skinny-minny standard is not being upheld. And also knowing that somebody went to buy a pair of pants that fit properly rather than trying to fit into her ideal of what her body should be because of words that I spoke.
Monday, October 13, 2008
People I'd Like to Know
When I was a kid, we saw our cousins from the Yukon very infrequently. In fact, I've probably met my cousins only a handful of times. Three boys. Annoying. Boys. One was a year older than me (we shared a birthday - that's really all we had in common). The other two were just kids. You know, two years and more younger than me.
In 2001, my youngest cousin committed suicide in his trailer. Middle cousin travelled to youngest cousin's trailer, cleaned up the mess (my cousin shot himself), and made sure youngest was taken care of. I had never heard of anyone grieving in such a hands-on way. I know that I would not have had the fortitude to be of such service to my sibling and was intrigued by this cousin I didn't know and his service to his brother.
My uncle recently passed away and one of my middle cousin's first thoughts was to pull out the family book and email everyone that had an email address to let us know. Then he made his plans and travelled from the Yukon to BC for the funeral. Once he arrived in BC, he bought lumber, nails, and satin and built a coffin for my uncle. He put in a nail for each of my uncle's siblings. He took great care to build the coffin he had planned. He brought the coffin to the only undertaker in town and carefully helped the undertaker place his father in the coffin that he built with his own hands.
His service to his family in death and his grieving process astounds me. It was humbling to me that one could be so thoughtful in caring for his family. He's no longer the little kid. He is an extraordinary man. And we should all be so lucky to know someone like him.
In 2001, my youngest cousin committed suicide in his trailer. Middle cousin travelled to youngest cousin's trailer, cleaned up the mess (my cousin shot himself), and made sure youngest was taken care of. I had never heard of anyone grieving in such a hands-on way. I know that I would not have had the fortitude to be of such service to my sibling and was intrigued by this cousin I didn't know and his service to his brother.
My uncle recently passed away and one of my middle cousin's first thoughts was to pull out the family book and email everyone that had an email address to let us know. Then he made his plans and travelled from the Yukon to BC for the funeral. Once he arrived in BC, he bought lumber, nails, and satin and built a coffin for my uncle. He put in a nail for each of my uncle's siblings. He took great care to build the coffin he had planned. He brought the coffin to the only undertaker in town and carefully helped the undertaker place his father in the coffin that he built with his own hands.
His service to his family in death and his grieving process astounds me. It was humbling to me that one could be so thoughtful in caring for his family. He's no longer the little kid. He is an extraordinary man. And we should all be so lucky to know someone like him.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Week 3 Day 3
Finally. Back at yoga. I'd never practiced the style we did today although it was very much a flow class - which is among my favourite. What I'm beginning to notice though, is that, while I used to only want to do flow because it felt so right for my body, I long for time to work on my alignment.
I've also had a real epiphany with pada banda. I feel so much more support in poses when I engage me feet and legs. Yeah, it's harder but when I got to a pose on the floor and work on my pada banda, the pose feels better from my feet up so I know it's got to work when I'm standing too - even though I can't quite always make that connection yet.
I felt myself wanting to look around during wheel/bridge today. Not out of envy, but out of wonder. The person beside me this morning moved with such ease in the pose. There was effort, but no audible or visual effort to her achieving the pose. She just moved as she was ready. And then I realized that I do the same thing in my own small, un-bendy way. I may not go to wheel but I focus on the ease and breath within a pose. If my breath is laboured and out-of-whack (technical term), then I know I need to find my breath or back off. So I'm not in full wheel (which is beautiful, by the way). I'm in my version of wheel.
I find myself thinking about next week. I have set an intention to go to yoga twice next week, which will be a challenge. I figure that if I do one on Monday, I only need one more in the whole week. That should be achievable.
I've also had a real epiphany with pada banda. I feel so much more support in poses when I engage me feet and legs. Yeah, it's harder but when I got to a pose on the floor and work on my pada banda, the pose feels better from my feet up so I know it's got to work when I'm standing too - even though I can't quite always make that connection yet.
I felt myself wanting to look around during wheel/bridge today. Not out of envy, but out of wonder. The person beside me this morning moved with such ease in the pose. There was effort, but no audible or visual effort to her achieving the pose. She just moved as she was ready. And then I realized that I do the same thing in my own small, un-bendy way. I may not go to wheel but I focus on the ease and breath within a pose. If my breath is laboured and out-of-whack (technical term), then I know I need to find my breath or back off. So I'm not in full wheel (which is beautiful, by the way). I'm in my version of wheel.
I find myself thinking about next week. I have set an intention to go to yoga twice next week, which will be a challenge. I figure that if I do one on Monday, I only need one more in the whole week. That should be achievable.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Week 3 Day 2
Feeling better but my stomach is a bit "off". Kelly said last night that I should forego one more day of boot camp before returning. Since his instinct is more often right than wrong I decided to heed his advice (but only when I woke up at 5:30 a.m.) It was nice to sleep a bit longer because I'm super tired and because I really believe that when you are sick, you should rest. And that includes me.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Week 3 Day 1
The flu hit my office early last week. It started hitting me yesterday. I headed over to my local pharmacy for Cold-fX and tucked into bed early thinking I might make it to yoga this morning. It was not to be. When I woke up at 3 feeling hot and achy, I changed my alarm so that I could sleep a bit longer and still make it to work. So here I sit, at home, with my Cold-fX beside me wishing I could have made yoga but knowing that it would not have been helpful to go today.
Perhaps later I'll get in another Malasana, which has been going better now that I can actually feel the pose in my feet and not just in my groin, calves, shins, and ankles.
Bonus - a 4-day work week (assuming I make it to work tomorrow).
Sorry Sheryl - the sticky buns are on my table waiting to be delivered to you!
Perhaps later I'll get in another Malasana, which has been going better now that I can actually feel the pose in my feet and not just in my groin, calves, shins, and ankles.
Bonus - a 4-day work week (assuming I make it to work tomorrow).
Sorry Sheryl - the sticky buns are on my table waiting to be delivered to you!
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Friday, September 26, 2008
Week 2 Day 5
Totally. Freakin'. Awesome.
This morning was the best morning yet. I was prepared and actually excited to come to yoga - even if I couldn't tear myself out of bed for meditation.
Week 2 complete. It's going so fast!
This morning was the best morning yet. I was prepared and actually excited to come to yoga - even if I couldn't tear myself out of bed for meditation.
Week 2 complete. It's going so fast!
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Week 2 Day 4
Thai Massage.
I learned today that I am a much better giver than receiver. I mean, I knew this but I had never actually given it much thought. That is who I am. That is what I do. I would have gladly spent all day doing Thai massage for the entire class than have someone's cold (clammy-ish) hands on my hips.
The combination of a tall Bendy Girl with a short Un-Bendy Girl proved to be as interesting as I thought it would be. Me, Un-Bendy, showed caution in how far I stretched her. I didn't want to take her to far, even though my mind knew I could probably flip her leg right up over head and give her a really good hamstring stretch, my body wouldn't allow it. Conversely, she didn't exhibit the same caution in her desire to give me what she thought would feel good. And she is strong. Really strong. I found myself tensing up, trying to receive her effort, trying to breathe into it, trying to accept her strength. The first side was a disaster for me but I managed to allow her to move me (with some modification) on the second side. And it was wonderful.
But I wondered what I could offer her (did I mention, she's really Bendy?) and as I watched her breathe, I felt the best thing I could offer her was my long deep breaths. So I made them more pronounced, and incorporated my breath with her gradual shoulder and hip openings. And I kept thinking "I offer you my breath, I offer you my breath". It was very meditative for me. I hope she received some benefit.
So, did I enjoy Thai Massage? Yes. And no.
I learned today that I am a much better giver than receiver. I mean, I knew this but I had never actually given it much thought. That is who I am. That is what I do. I would have gladly spent all day doing Thai massage for the entire class than have someone's cold (clammy-ish) hands on my hips.
The combination of a tall Bendy Girl with a short Un-Bendy Girl proved to be as interesting as I thought it would be. Me, Un-Bendy, showed caution in how far I stretched her. I didn't want to take her to far, even though my mind knew I could probably flip her leg right up over head and give her a really good hamstring stretch, my body wouldn't allow it. Conversely, she didn't exhibit the same caution in her desire to give me what she thought would feel good. And she is strong. Really strong. I found myself tensing up, trying to receive her effort, trying to breathe into it, trying to accept her strength. The first side was a disaster for me but I managed to allow her to move me (with some modification) on the second side. And it was wonderful.
But I wondered what I could offer her (did I mention, she's really Bendy?) and as I watched her breathe, I felt the best thing I could offer her was my long deep breaths. So I made them more pronounced, and incorporated my breath with her gradual shoulder and hip openings. And I kept thinking "I offer you my breath, I offer you my breath". It was very meditative for me. I hope she received some benefit.
So, did I enjoy Thai Massage? Yes. And no.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Week 2 Day 3
A note about cardio - my speed on the treadmill increased by .2 to .3 this week (Monday).
I wasn't feeling well this morning. Kelly thinks I may have poisoned us with salmon (he always thinks that when I make salmon).
So, not feeling well, a funny thing happened to me at yoga. I gave up caring. I gave up looking at the Bendy Girls. I didn't even try to go into headstand. And although my stomach didn't feel good, I felt good about my practice. The stories don't stop in my head though. Self-doubt, fear, worry, anger, they all showed up today.
Final meditation was unique to me. I could feel the vibrations of Dillon's voice in my arms. Then when he no longer spoke, I could feel the vibration of vehicles going by.
I wasn't feeling well this morning. Kelly thinks I may have poisoned us with salmon (he always thinks that when I make salmon).
So, not feeling well, a funny thing happened to me at yoga. I gave up caring. I gave up looking at the Bendy Girls. I didn't even try to go into headstand. And although my stomach didn't feel good, I felt good about my practice. The stories don't stop in my head though. Self-doubt, fear, worry, anger, they all showed up today.
Final meditation was unique to me. I could feel the vibrations of Dillon's voice in my arms. Then when he no longer spoke, I could feel the vibration of vehicles going by.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Week 2 Day 2
Today I feel totally defeated. Totally and completely. It didn't start that way. When I got to class I was tired. I missed meditation in favour of 10 more minutes under the covers. I wasn't sure I was prepared but as I moved into asana practice, I felt more present than I've felt any other previous 6 days. My breath flowed. I was able to give my body what it needed and I felt really good. Solid. (Almost) peaceful.
But as I was feeling presence, I got a reminder of more things to work on. More to do. And I found myself being very frustrated. I felt so joyful in my expression of the poses today that I didn't want to hear another way in which I am inadequate. Something else to strive for.
For just a moment, I wanted to enjoy where I was and what I was doing.
But as I was feeling presence, I got a reminder of more things to work on. More to do. And I found myself being very frustrated. I felt so joyful in my expression of the poses today that I didn't want to hear another way in which I am inadequate. Something else to strive for.
For just a moment, I wanted to enjoy where I was and what I was doing.
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