Week 1 Day 3

Rubber band status: What rubber band? Today I am a rope.

Discovery: Yin yoga sucks bag.

How do I feel physically? Well, good, actually. I mean, I have aches and pains but they're good aches and pains. The aches and pains that remind me to think about my body. Not aches and pains of a normal day, where when I stand up my hips ache or I get a twinge in my neck or back. Once again, work gets in the way. If I didn't have to sit all damn day. Such is the reality of my life.

I always know how good yoga is for my body, my breath, my patience, my relationships, my cardio, my life and yet I continually find that falling back into the old patterns of my life are easier. It is hard going from yoga to work (or, as in today, running home to pick up Kelly because he thought he'd fill up with gas this morning - too late). It is hard not bein able to "settle" into work and get done what needs to be done. It is hard not knowing what I'll make for supper because I know I'm not going to feel like being in the kitchen too long. So my strength in organization also (as strengths can) becomes a hindrance as I try to plan and fail and feel like a failure. This extra hour and a half every day is so worth it but so difficult at the same time. I could be cleaning my house.

This morning's class was very difficult for me. Recognizing my own inflexibility and my own resistance to falling without a net. I always have a net. I was uncomfortable, I was frustrated, I was in tears, my breathing was choppy, laboured, my body was getting in the way of my practice. Yin is definitely something I need to explore more. Dammit. Now I've said it out loud.

Speaking of saying things out low, now that I have named and claimed my impatience, I notice so many opportunities to develop patience. Last night Kelly helped me with my ailing computer. Usually we bicker and fight over the mouse. I stood beside him and began the process of letting him be. We had a good laugh at HIS impatience over my crazy slow computer but in the end we could go back to the living room, have a cup of tea together, and relax. This morning, I didn't make it to the shoes at Source first. When the apology came over another participants slowness, I said it was all good, that I was developing my patience. That's why I don't like to say what's really going on out loud, it will mean I have to stop and examine what's going on our I will be stopped to examine what's going on! It really is just easier to avoid exploring oneself.

Another weird side effect of this daily practice I'm noticing is my appetite. I'm not as hungry and when I eat, I'm instantly full and I get more and more full as the next two to three hours pass. Guess I need to check out cleansing as my normal bodily functions aren't quite normal this week.

And yet, I feel great.